Don’t Forget to Pause on Life.

I am currently hitting the pause button on my life, if you will. What am I talking about you ask? Well, I have been so busy the past eight years of my life, constantly going somewhere or doing something, constantly struggling with something or making vital decisions. I’ve put in an estimated 116,800 hours of work at McDonald’s to support myself and help my boyfriend as best as possible to pay bills and get though school. I’ve been busy having anxiety attacks but also laughing attacks, I’ve been busy staying up late studying and writing papers. I’ve been busy trying to maintain a relationship with my boyfriend, with my friends and with my family. I’ve been hitting the play button, the fast forward button, the stop button (only because I fell asleep for a few hours at night) but I always neglected the pause button until now…I am sitting here, thinking about my life. I literally (metaphorically) pressed the pause button right at this moment in my life. I am thinking about the struggles I have overcome, the goals I have accomplished, the people I have met and the amazing opportunities I have gained. For the first time in a long time, I am so incredibly happy and so incredibly grateful to be where I am at now at this moment in time. When I was fourteen years old, I remember thinking about how I could not wait to get older, how I could not wait to have a career, a family and to be established. These were the goals I had for myself from 14 to the time I was 17 years old:

-Save up enough money to put a down payment on a car by the time I am 16 years old

*bought a brand new Ford Focus

-Pay off my car

*Paid it off 3 years later

– Meet a boy, fall in love (if it was meant to happen, it would happen) and then this happened:

-Work as much as possible to save money and pay bills throughout my educational career

*worked all. the.time. Special thank you to the man you see above for playing a huge part in supporting me while I was going through my required unpaid internship.

-Graduate high school, then immediately attend college

*Check!

-Along the way, find true friends. 

*These people have brought so much to my life, have held me when I have cried, have made me pee my pants laughing so hard, have been the best study buddies, the best supporters, and are truly one of the main reasons I am alive today. I love every single one of you.

-Earn a Bachelor’s Degree

*25 MORE DAYS!!!*

-Find a job in my degree before I graduate with my Bachelor’s Degree

-Pursue my Master’s Degree

..And of course I couldn’t have done all of this without the love and support of my family. A HUGE thank you to all of you for your unconditional love, encouragement, and motivation to keep me going! I love all of you so, so much. 

I am SO unbelievably excited to say I have been able to accomplish all of those things…and even better with a great guy by my side and a wonderful family!!! Now, I wouldn’t wish a 40 hour plus a week work schedule along with going to school full-time and your boyfriend doing the same thing..it is not the healthiest for a relationship let me tell you, but in 25 days, when my boyfriend and I get to walk at graduation, it will be so worth it in the end. And in 23 days, we will have been together for four years. Four hard, stressful, but amazing and wonderful four years. We will have survived through it all, together! I have an amazing job where my passion lies, surrounded my fantastic people whom I work with, and are more than willing to be flexible with me as I pursue my Master’s Degree in Social Work…what more can a girl ask for?! I don’t mean at all to sound conceited whatsoever, or to brag on myself, I just wanted to inspire my readers to take a moment to pause on life. To remember that ANYTHING is possible. It takes a lot of work, like, a LOT of work, maybe some blood, sweat and definitely a bunch of tears-but it is so worth it in the end. I wish I could spread this feeling around to everyone in the world, because nothing feels better than to finally be in the light at the end of the tunnel, and shine.

Find your passion, and when you feel a sense of belonging, you know you are on the right path. Set goals, make a plan, and commit yourself to accomplishing those goals. It takes time, and it takes a lot of work, but it is so worth it in the end.

With all of that being said, Life is truly beautiful.

xoxo, Carissa

*p.s. Don’t forget to Follow and Subscribe! (Will follow back and support you, my fellow bloggers!)

Death & Dying: The Importance of Talking About What We Don’t Want to Talk About

I am currently interning for a Hospice agency, and boy do I love it. When people hear the word “hospice” people tend to freak out, and shut down. Hardly anyone ever talks about the existence of hospice or seeks out education of it. Understandably enough, recent generations are scared of death and the thought of losing their loved one. But what I have learned in just the first few weeks of working there is the importance of knowing what your loved one’s last wishes are-even what your last wishes are. Being younger and healthy, we think we are invincible, that we are going to stay young forever..but we grow older everyday. In fact, the moment we are born we experience grief and loss. It is important that we have these conversations with our loved ones, with ourselves and our children (or future children in my case), to ensure through all decisions that are needed to be made in the time that the individual is unable to make those decisions-are made based on what the loved one wants, not the emotional needs and/or wants of the family members.

For those of you who do not know, Hospice is a program who cares for the patient and the patient’s family as one unit of care. Hospice is an interdisciplinary team of professionals and trained volunteers who provide medical, emotional, social, and spiritual services. The interdisciplinary team that I am apart of include physicians, nurses, certified nursing assistants, social workers, a chaplain, volunteers, and other professionals we may bring in to meet the needs of the patient and their family. I love the interdisciplinary team because the patient and their family is getting the best care possible from all different aspects. I am currently shadowing a social worker (she is the bomb) and we make visits to our patients whether they are at home or reside in a facility and complete psychosocial assessments to get to know our patients and ensure they are coping well, are getting the emotional support they need, and that all needs are met with the individual and family. If they are in need of any of these things and beyond, we as the social workers will connect them with the resources to ensure the needs are met, as well as making more frequent visits to provide more emotional support for the patient and family. As part of the social work piece, we also have a Bereavement Coordinator, who facilitates grief support groups to not only help the family cope after the patient’s death on our services-but to anyone in the community who has experienced or is experiencing grief and loss. The Bereavement Coordinator checks up on the family throughout the 13 months after the patient has passed, to get through all of those “firsts.” The first Christmas without the loved one, the first anniversary without their loved one, the first birthday without their loved one, etc. When we meet our patients for the first time, we provide them with an  aromatherapy-reflexology kit filled with three essential oils and reflexology socks. The three essential oils are lemon, peppermint, and lavender. The lemon sparks appetite for the patient, the peppermint relieves nausea and boots some energy, and the lavender relaxes the patient. The oils are specially made for geriatric skin so it is safe for them to put it directly on their skin. The family and/or caregiver can also put a few drops in a diffuser or a scent warmer to fill the room with the scent as well.

The nurses and the CNAs are absolutely amazing. As we provide emotional comfort, the nursing team is out there more than twice a week visiting the patient and ensuring all physical needs are getting taken care of. They assist the patients showers, seek out their doctor to prescribe their patients medication for pain and/or anything else they may need to feel more comfortable. The nursing team is a huge part of the hospice team and we are so very thankful for all of them. As a hospice staff, we do not accelerate or postpone death. We provide comfort, and we provide as much comfort as possible for as long as possible.

Here is a great infographic to sum up what I just explained. 🙂

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/34128909652046387/

As scary as death may sound, knowing that this type of care is available for you and your loved ones when the time comes could make life a little bit easier. We all get teary eyed when we think about the loss of a loved one; but it is SO important to establish durable power of attorneys (you can do so once you are of eighteen years of age), create a living will, if your loved one wants to be cremated and spread out into the ocean of their dreams, and what songs they would want played at their funeral. As hard as it is to talk about, knowing in the time where your loved one has passed, being able to honor them the way they wish to be will be the best gift you could give to them. As a hospice team, we are here for you through it all. But as of right now, you have the right and are able to begin making these types of decisions.

Shadowing a Hospice Social Worker has been an amazing experience, I still have about 300 hours to go! But I have had many amazing experiences with the patients I have been assigned to. On top of shadowing my supervisor, I am also a volunteer for the agency. Meaning, I visit the patients I am assigned to once a week (sometimes more) and we talk with one another and do things they enjoy doing together. The agency I work for has a journal that I fill out with the patients called “Treasures of the Heart and Soul.” It is a journal we fill out together that asks about their fondest memories, their prized possessions, their favorite sounds, and at the end it gives them an opportunity to write messages to specific loved ones they leave behind. Listening to the patient’s experiences and fondest memories while also writing down their messages they want to leave behind for their loved ones is such a moving and beautiful thing to experience with the patient. This is an extremely vulnerable time in the patient and family’s life, and the fact that they are letting me into this precious time in their lives is a privilege.

I love my internship, and I hope you gained some insight through my education and that it sparked something somewhere to begin thinking about the things we do not want to think about.

Also, volunteer hours are a great resume builder. If you would like to join me in this amazing experience, please comment below and I could tell you more details. 🙂

Thank you for reading, be sure to become a VIP by following and subscribing on this page!

xoxo,

Carissa

My Apology Letter to Myself: The Importance of Forgiving Myself & Loving the Better Me.

Throughout my life, there have been days, months, and years where I have done wrong to myself. I have lied to myself, cheated on myself, spoke badly on myself…and I have never once apologized for it all. As we go through these dark moments in our life, once we break through and overcome these moments we may begin to apologize to the ones we had hurt along the way, but do not ever stop to think to apologize to ourselves. Don’t get me wrong, it is extremely important to apologize to the ones we hurt and to forgive those who have hurt us-but it is essential to apologize to ourselves for the hurt, the pain, and the suffering we have brought on ourselves. I have been battling anxiety and depression all my life, and I am finally starting to feel full again. From my happy heart to my scarred, but warm soul…here are my apologies to myself (you).

1. I am sorry for all of the mean things I have said to you.

I am sorry for telling you that you are worthless, that you are not good enough, that you aren’t going to be successful, and or that you can’t do something. I have doubted you so many times, which kept you from doing the things you love and pursuing your dreams. I have made you cry way too many times and I am sorry for all that pain I have caused you. I now know that you can do anything your heart desires, because you are strong and you are capable as long as you put your mind to it.

2. I am sorry for always making you stay busy the past few years.

I have always blamed it on our anxiety issues, but for a long time I always made you stay busy at all hours of the day no matter how tired, angry, or upset you were when you just needed to relax and unwind. I always thought it would benefit you if you did things now to help you out later on down the road, but in all reality most of those things just caused more work for us in the long run. I am sorry for all of the sleepless nights of studying when it didn’t really help you on that test anyhow, I am sorry for causing anxiety attacks of unfinished to-do lists, and I am sorry for always making you feel guilty when you did rest. I still have room for improvement, but we have made relaxing a major priority each day throughout the week. You are free to relax and do the things you enjoy, because you definitely deserve to.

3. I am sorry for not taking care of you the way I should have.

For all of the dentist appointments I have canceled on you because I would rather be at work, for all the years I let your knee get so bad that I put you through not one surgery, but two, for all of the times we were sick and didn’t take any time off to allow our body to rest and get better, for all of the times I made you lift heavy items when it wasn’t good for your knee, back or bad shoulders. I am sorry for not finishing prescriptions to allow our body to fully heal, and I am sorry for all of the toxins that I put into your body. I am going to need your help, but I am constantly reminding you to drink more water and make better health choices. We can do this.

4. I am sorry for the times I have ditched out on you.

There have been many times I have told you I would hang out with you and only you to spend some quality time together and just relax-and I ditched you and went out with friends instead. I understand the importance of our time together whether it is out running errands and just enjoying that alone time or at home snuggling on the couch on Pinterest listening to your guilty pleasures. It has gotten much better, but I will make more time for you, because I love you.

5. I am sorry for all of the times I let you fall.

I know we have been through tragic break ups to literally falling up the stairs-and I am sorry for letting you fall. It hurt me to see you in so much pain I couldn’t handle it in the moment. But I know now how important it is to tell you that you are important, that you are strong, and you are worth more than how you were or are being treated. I know now that when you fall, to instantly pick you back up no matter how hard it was to watch, help you wipe your tears, and help you figure out what to do to feel better and move forward. You are so much stronger now than you have ever been, and I am so proud of you.

6. I know it’s probably going to embarrass you, but I have to say it. I am sorry for getting you drunk way too much that one year.

You turned 21 last year, and all hell broke loose. After that one night, tequila will ALWAYS be your worse enemy. I am sorry for all of the bad choices I made you make and all of the hangovers I bestowed on you. I am sorry for all of the horrid pictures I had posted, all the videos I allowed taken of you, and all of the embarrassing moments that occurred and still make you cringe thinking about to this day. Now, we get tipsy on one glass of wine every now and then and fall asleep at 8 pm., and the guy at our local liquor store said awhile back, “hey stranger, you never come around anymore!” So, that has to be a plus on our end, right?

7. I am sorry for the toxic people I put in your life.

For a long time, you thought friendship came down to quantity over quality. Yes, you have done and said some mean things to human beings in your lifetime, but I apologize for putting all of these “friends” in your life when they did nothing but hurt you. Throughout the years however, we have been lucky to learn the beauty of true friends and to cherish them, and eliminate the toxic people in our lives who no longer care.

8. I am sorry I haven’t bought you a pet pig yet and that you haven’t met Taylor Swift.

Be patient, my love, it will happen someday.

9. Most importantly, I am sorry for not loving you the way I love others.

There was a period in time where I hated everything about you. You weren’t pretty enough, you weren’t confident enough, you couldn’t cook so automatically you were a horrid girlfriend, you couldn’t dance, you aren’t capable of being sexy, you were worthless. I would then break you down so badly to where you would have meltdowns..and what would I do? Continue to tell you horrible and awful things about yourself that aren’t true. Your boyfriend would try to help you, I made you push him away. Your family would support you and give you advice, I made you listen but didn’t give you the strength to move forward and get the help you needed. This hindered so many of your relationships and friendships with others and kept you from doing what you love and day-to-day functioning was unbearable…

I can tell you now, that I love you more than words can say. You are kind, you are passionate, you are strong, and you are beautiful. I promise to never leave you, abandon you or hurt you like I did in the past ever again. Life is too short, we need to be in this together. I will love you just as fully as I love others. I will support you no matter what, and I will spark your mind with inspiring and empowering thoughts when you are feeling down and discouraged. I will remind you to make time for the things you love to do and the people you care about most. I am so proud of you for how far you have come, that you know you are worthy and deserve to be treated as such. I am proud of the woman you are today, and the person you will be in the future.

Now, after reading this post, what would you apologize to yourself for? What does this type of forgiveness mean to you? I know I feel better. Please feel free share with me in the comments below.

xoxo,

Carissa

p.s.–PLEASE don’t forget to become my VIP and  follow and subscribe at the top of the page! Much love and many squeezes!!

Positively Positive.

We all go through different events in life every day that put us in a bad mood or that we let put us in a bad mood.  We then make the decision to dwell on this event or situation, and we all know that misery loves company so we bring others into it as well…

Unfortunately, we are all guilty of this.

Working full-time, going to school full-time, trying to maintain a relationship with my family members, my boyfriend and my cat while running a household definitely had me run down, worn out and negative. All. The. Time. It got to the point where I felt so miserable and burnt out I would annoy myself.

Then I realized….

I can’t control the things that I cannot change. Sure, I have heard it before. A million times actually. By my mom, my best friends, my sister-in-law-but I didn’t ever listen until it finally just clicked with me one day. I told myself, I can’t control the things I cannot change. (I am a control freak, so this is a pretty huge deal).

Then I asked myself, well, what can I control determine? And these five beautiful words came to mind:

I can determine my own happiness.

What? Really? Yes, and I was finally free. I finally realized,throughout anything I endure in my life, I can either let it sit with me and let it ruin my day, or I can turn the negative situation into a positive one. One of my very dear friend’s and I discussed this blog prior to me writing it and how we should consciously try to be more positive in our day-to-day lives. I was so proud of her when she called me one morning and she said to me:

“Hey..so I made me a nice cup of coffee before work this morning, then I managed to spill it all over myself AND my car.” Of course I replied with sympathy. But THEN, she continued with:

“But you know what I did? Got out of my car, went back in my house, and made me another cup of coffee. AND now my car smells delicious!”

See how well you can change a negative situation into a positive one? 🙂

I used to bicker and get frustrated with my boyfriend for silly things or if he accidentally broke something it was always the end of the world. But if you really think about it, what is getting in a bad mood and yelling out negative things going to do to resolve the situation? Nothing. That glass bowl from Wal-Mart broke dude, yelling isn’t going to make it magically put itself back together (Yes, I just talked about myself and called myself dude in third person). I have consciously been working on being more positive in each (rare nowadays) interaction with him and it has not only improved our relationship quite a bit, but it has helped him to be more positive as well.

Being positive to ourselves is good for our souls, too.

Our minds are SO powerful its epic. Women can literally trick their minds into being pregnant and literally have fake baby bumps, go to the doctor and see that they aren’t really pregnant! So if our minds can do something so powerful like that…just think what your mind can do with some positive self-talk and some meditation. It has taken me years to retrain my brain with positive thoughts instead of negative ones. On my drive to work every morning, I talk to myself and say “Dude, (here I go again) you rock. You are going to do awesome things today, and you are going to make a difference. Oh, and your eyeliner is perfect today (haha just kidding, maybe). But then I go into work super energetic and ready to do something great. Be kind to yourself. Your heart beats for you, it needs some loving too.

Another thing that has increased my positivity in life is to surround myself with optimistic, caring, FUNNY, and uplifting people. I am very lucky to have people in my family, my home, and at my work who make me laugh until I cry on a weekly basis. It is so cleansing and good for my health. So surround yourself with people who laugh. If you’re at home alone, watch a funny movie. Laughing is the perfect medicine for the mind, body and soul.

Side Note: I am also quite hilarious if I must say so myself. 😉 That is actually one of my hobbies is making people laugh. If I made someone laugh by the end of each day, I know I at least did something right that day and possible added a few more months to their life.

Life is too short to make the lemons in life turn you sour. Lemons are delicious, make some lemonade and smile. You are alive, you were put into this world for a purpose. Find your passion, do what you love, and love what you do. Smile, be a good human being. Connect with other human beings. Go call your grandma and tell her how amazing she is. Grab your friend’s hand and tell her how much you appreciate her, hug a stranger. You aren’t too busy to do these things. Make time for the things that matter and turn your life into a more positive one!

What did you think? Please leave your comments below!

xoxo,

Carissa

How to be a better Customer: Fast Food Edition

I have worked at a fast food restaurant (that I have chosen to not name for the safety of everyone) ever since I was 14 years old. I have seen the absolute best and the absolute worst of people coming in and out of my store. There have been times where I observe a cute old couple out in the lobby sharing an ice cream cone, but then will hear about one of my old co-workers being held at gun point behind the counter on an overnight shift. Ridiculous. You may be having a rough day, but there is no need to hold someone at gun point for putting pickles on your sandwich when you didn’t want them (or whatever the case may be) I understand that we make mistakes, and we should have gotten it right the first time; but I also strongly believe that if the human interaction was better-not only from the employee but from the customer as well-you would get much better, faster, quality service.

So, after working for a fast food restaurant for almost a decade of my life, I have some helpful tips that may help YOU be a better customer for not only your well-being, but for the employees (even managers) as well.

1.  Just because we work at (enter fast food restaurant here) does NOT mean we are unintelligent, lazy, or that we are “devoting the rest of our lives flipping burgers.”

Most of the people who work at a fast food restaurant are working there to help them get through school. In fact, fast food restaurants are some, if not THE best places that will work perfectly with YOUR school schedule because they understand school comes first and will work with you (while helping you develop higher within their system) to ensure you are successful all around.

Then again, even if people aren’t going to school, it is a job. It makes money. It pays their bills and provides their families with food on the table. Show some dignity and respect that these people work extremely hard and still put a smile on their greasy faces for you. Some employees have also worked their way up without an education and then may end up making more money than you by “dedicating the rest of their lives flipping burgers”. So don’t judge.

Helpful Hint: Recognize the employees and managers for how hard they work and compliment them. They RARELY get positive things spoken to them.

2.  I don’t know how many times I have heard “It’s called FAST FOOD for a reason! I don’t understand what is taking so long!”

Okay, so there are times where we are extremely busy and can’t keep up with the high volume of orders coming in to our restaurant. There is not an item on the menu that takes more than 12 minutes to make. 12 minutes. That’s it. We do our best to ensure how long you would have to wait and ensure we give you the best quality food (and even coupons for your wait!)

Helpful Hint: The nicer you are about a little wait, or even a little mistake we made, the more the Manager and/or Employee will do for you. I guarantee it. No sandwich that is messed up is worth getting that upset about.

3. Be Nice.

One slow Sunday morning, I did an experiment on how many times a customer would acknowledge my existence and ask how I was doing after asking them how they were doing. Out of 10 customers, only 3 customers asked how I was doing back. This may sound silly to some of you, but you have no idea how many customers don’t even look up at us when we hand them their order in the drive-thru and just speed away. What are we? Chopped liver? No, we are people too.

Helpful Hint: Take a second out of your day to ask the employee getting your food and drinks together how they are doing and wish them a good day. More chances than not are you going to go on to have a better day than they are.

4. Listen.

I took an order on the drive-thru headset yesterday and I said “Okay, would you like a Coke to drink with that meal today?” and the customer replied with “No, I will have a Coke.”

WHAT?!

Another example that happened to an employee recently on the drive-thru headset where she stated “Is everything correct on your screen?” and the customer said, “No.” So the employee stated, “I apologize what do I need to correct for you?” and the customer yells “I SAID I AM DONE WITH MY ORDER!!” and speeds off to the first window. *awkward turtle hand motion*

Helpful Hint: We know the menu like we know the back of our hand. We’re just trying to help you get exactly what you need. Listen to us, please.

5. We think your kids are adorable, but please, don’t let them order through the drive-thru.

Children are hard to hear over your car, and we would much rather interact with them in person instead. That way we are sure to get the correct order and make everyone happy.

Helpful Hint: Come inside and let them order, we have more fun with them that way. I know as a kid, I LOVED going in the “d-o-o-r” Chances are they will like it better too.

6. Do a random act of kindness, and pay for the order behind you.

It makes my heart SO HAPPY when someone pays for the order behind them, and then this super awesome domino effect happens where SO MANY people after pay for the order behind them. SO cool to watch and I can assure you, it will make you feel good too!

Helpful Hint: see above.

7. Don’t use vulgar words or lose your temper.

If you take a moment to really think about it, unless you were completely and utterly disrespected and treated poorly by an employee or another customer, is anything that bad  that could happen at a fast food restaurant make you so angry to where you curse out the employee and/or manager and end up throwing things at them? I bet you the answer is always no. One evening, I was short-staffed, I was the only manager, I was getting my butt KICKED and then all of a sudden a customer stormed in, called me a b**** and literally threw a bag of food at me. You bet I cried, and none of that should have happened in the first place. There are MUCH better ways to approach human beings when you have a problem.

Helpful Hint: Count to ten and take deep breaths before coming in to have an employee and/or manager fix a mistake they made in a calm manner.

8. Excuse us when we appear grumpy (or are grumpy). 

We may have just handled a customer who just cursed us out and then you were the very next customer to help. Take in consideration the business of the store and the environment we are having to adapt to and conquer (literally). We are doing a million different things in about ten second intervals. It has taken me YEARS to not to take things personally of how a customer interacts with me, however, that may not be the case for other employees. Then again, there are times when employees and managers can be difficult when you didn’t do anything wrong, and that is not okay.

Helpful Hint: Give them the benefit of the doubt, be kind and give them a fist bump.

9. Everyone makes mistakes.

No one is perfect. Please don’t expect us to be either. We are human too!

Helpful Hint: Instead of giving the employee that disgusted look you may give, instead say: ‘You know I read this article the other day and it made me understand the common negative experiences you go through everyday. Don’t worry, we all make mistakes.’ and see how awesome they respond to you and your needs.

10. Put yourself in their shoes.

We work the shifts that you wouldn’t want to work. We are there for you when you are drunk and/or hung over and/or high and whatever else you could be to provide you with what you need at the time, no matter what time of day it is. We also clean up after you, too. We keep a calm composure when we are getting yelled at, and do our best to keep smiling and not let it ruin our day. I really do feel that everyone should work in the fast food industry for at least a year to understand what we experience and how much it helps you in your life outside of work.

Helpful Hint: Watch documentaries or observe the day in the life of a fast food employee. Chances are your opinion will change about them.

If you work for a fast food industry, comment below and let me know your thoughts! Do you think this helped you? Do you think it could help our future customers? To the rest of you, I hope you enjoyed and were able to reflect on these things. We appreciate you and your business, and would appreciate your kindness and compassion even more. 🙂

xoxo,

Carissa ♥

Dear Absent Parent,

We all have stories where we know someone or have a parent ourselves who is absent from our lives. Meaning, the child may have suffered from emotional, physical, or mental abuse, the child may have suffered from abandonment, or the parent suffers from a drug and/or alcohol addictions-there are many, many more reasons for this matter. When I was 12 years old, my mother remarried a Cocaine addict. She explained to me later on that he had fell into the addiction after his father passed away, but that he had gone through a rehabilitation center and has not used since. They met online, and what attracted her to him was the fact that he apparently “made six figures and loved children.” They got married shortly after and she was in her own world with her new husband.

However, while she was pregnant with their second child, it became known to the family that he had relapsed, and fell into the addiction again. I was angry more than anything, that my mother allowed a man to bring potential harm to her children, and then was fuming when she told me that she would not leave him. The worst two years of my life occurred after that. The things I saw while he was under the influence of Cocaine was scary, dangerous, and maddening. The closer my mother and her husband got, the farther apart I wanted to be from my mother. There were times I feared for my life, locked myself in my closet and cried to God to help us and help us find peace and happiness. One morning, my little brother ended up being the hero and telling his school social worker what had been going on in the home, and my father was immediately notified. He, along with my step-mother who I now consider my mom, and my big brother who is now one of my biggest protectors, were our heroes and immediately saved us and took us in.

I, along with two of my brothers, were the lucky ones who got a second chance at life. We had been evicted from five or six homes at that point in time, and they were empty million dollar homes. But when I got to MY home, for the first time, it finally felt right. I finally felt safe, and at peace. Some of you may not believe in a higher power and that is totally and completely okay, but my higher power answered my prayers. We got to attend an amazing school, I made lifelong friends, we got a whole other set of wonderful grandparents, an amazing aunt and uncle and crazy awesome cousins.

Life was really, really great for the first time in a very long time. But all of a sudden I wasn’t thinking about my mother anymore. Literally months would go by and I would forget she existed. She has missed everything in my life. All of my High school proms, my first kiss, my first heartbreak, my high school graduation. Everything. She would try to call me on my birthday for a couple of years, but it would turn into us fighting and I would end up crying…(and it wasn’t because I wanted to). So I made the decision to do what was better for me and to cut her out of my life. Completely. As I have gone through my social work classes I think, “How can I resolve this anger inside?” “How can I get closure, without building a relationship with her?” “I can’t be the only child who feels this way, right?” All I know for certain is I can’t continue to live life with this unresolved issue with a human who gave birth to me and at the same time, it is not healthy or safe to be in a relationship with her.

I have thought about writing her a letter, to see what she would say, to see what she would think. If she would actually put my feelings or my needs before hers. It has never happened before, so it is really hard telling. I think this would be a rough sketch of what I would say (and maybe those of you who can relate may think too):

Dear Absent Parent:

It has been many years since we have last spoken, and you have missed out on so much. I could go on and on about the amazing support system I have, a great boyfriend whom I live with, and all the goals I have accomplished and will accomplish soon. My life has been really great the past few years; but I am angry. I am angry that you chose another human being over your own children. I am angry that you have always put yourself first before anyone else. I am angry that you do not admit fault for your actions; and that you put blame onto others instead. I am angry that I am projecting these issues onto current relationships because I am in need of resolving these feelings with you but want nothing to do with you at the same time. Then I am angry that this probably fuels you and gives you more power. I am okay, my heart is full. But my anger towards you is still there. I am terrified to be anything like you..in fear that I may hurt others the way you have hurt me and my family. You need to take a step back, and resolve your issues as well. Stop pushing it to the side and bring it to the surface for once. APOLOGIZE for the things you have done wrong. When you have read this over, and are ready to talk in a manner where you are unselfish and ready to take responsibility for your actions; I want to gain closure so I can move on with my life.

woof, that was heavy. But I thought this was important to share to connect with those who can relate and help those who are wanting to help their friends with their hard situations as well.

Feel free to comment below on your feelings of this post, I would love to know your thoughts.

xoxo,

Carissa

New Year, New Time.

As we all know, 2014 is about to be at a close and 2015 is approaching fast. ‘

*let’s please have a moment of silence to reflect on 2014..*

But really, where did 2014 go?! It has been such a crazy year full of business. In one full year, there is 8,760 hours given to all of us. Given, 2,190 hours are spent sleeping (because come on now, who gets 8 hours of sleep anymore. If you do, savor that forever and ever). So, this means that according to my calculations, we have about 6,570 live, bright eyed and bushy tailed hours to do with whatever we wanted. Sounds awesome, right?

But wait…most of us have to work full time jobs. Dang work and the necessity we put on obtaining money..

Okay so I, along with billions of others work on average 40 hours a week, or full time. Nowadays, most work more than that, which should be illegal if you ask me. Props to you that you can do that and still be a functioning human being! You keep being your great self (and take care of yourself!)

Alright, so do you want to know how many hours a year we spend at our jobs, at 40 hours a week? 2,080 hours. Ouch. 2,080 hours of precious time is put into working.

So after sleeping (which hopefully you all do), and working, we have 110 hours that is completely and totally ours. 110. Out of 8,760, .013% of our lives are being spent solely on what we want to do. Basically, we are literally failing at life.

Now, if you are at a job you are passionate about you have achieved the ultimate goal and that is so awesome. I know I will accomplish that once I go on to earn my Master’s Degree in the field of Social work where I can help people and make a difference EVERYDAY. But right now, I don’t earn money where my passion is.

To the most of us who only have 110 hours solely to ourselves, how are you spending this precious time? Are you on updating your status on Facebook, “creeping” on other people who you don’t even really like and making yourself miserable? Are you tweeting, or scrolling through your Instagram feed, assessing your self-worth to how many likes you get on your selfie? Love, you’re going into the hole in your hours if you waste time doing all of that..

Take a moment to look up at the world, at the beautiful people who are in your life. I know each time my dad comes to hug me I make sure to always squeeze a little tighter because one day I won’t be able to hug him anytime I want to. I know I look into all of my grandmother’s eyes when I get the chance because they are filled with so much life and wisdom; and their smile wrinkles are inspiring and beautiful.

Now, how do you feel? What are you thinking about? How much time are you spending on self-care, doing a good service to others, spending true quality time with the ones you love?

I think I found you a New Year’s Resolution.

Lemonade.

Welcome to my new blog! I am a 22 year old workaholic who decided to make time to blog about my crazy, hilarious life and hoping you, the reader, get a kick out of it. I will be writing about life’s “lemons,” meaning life’s challenges that we have or may face each and everyday from that fresh mascara on your eye lids after you sneeze to the overwhelming amount of inequality occurring in this world. We will take all of these lemons and celebrate the overcoming of life’s challenges by making lemonade together (maybe add a splash of vodka, too).

Well, this is my first blog post, short and sweet…or should I say sour 😉

I hope you follow my blog and stand by me as we go on this journey through Life, Love and the Pursuit of Lemons!

xoxo,

Carissa