She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes by the Sink

Must Be This Tall To Ride

(Image/jerrywilliamsmedia.com)

It seems so unreasonable when you put it that way: My wife left me because sometimes I leave dishes by the sink.

It makes her seem ridiculous; and makes me seem like a victim of unfair expectations.

We like to point fingers at other things to explain why something went wrong, like when Biff Tannen crashed George McFly’s car and spilled beer on his clothes, but it was all George’s fault for not telling him the car had a blind spot.

This bad thing happened because of this, that, and the other thing. Not because of anything I did!

Sometimes I leave used drinking glasses by the kitchen sink, just inches away from the dishwasher.

It isn’t a big deal to me now. It wasn’t a big deal to me when I was married. But it WAS a big deal to her.

Every time she’d walk into the kitchen…

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Don’t Forget to Pause on Life.

I am currently hitting the pause button on my life, if you will. What am I talking about you ask? Well, I have been so busy the past eight years of my life, constantly going somewhere or doing something, constantly struggling with something or making vital decisions. I’ve put in an estimated 116,800 hours of work at McDonald’s to support myself and help my boyfriend as best as possible to pay bills and get though school. I’ve been busy having anxiety attacks but also laughing attacks, I’ve been busy staying up late studying and writing papers. I’ve been busy trying to maintain a relationship with my boyfriend, with my friends and with my family. I’ve been hitting the play button, the fast forward button, the stop button (only because I fell asleep for a few hours at night) but I always neglected the pause button until now…I am sitting here, thinking about my life. I literally (metaphorically) pressed the pause button right at this moment in my life. I am thinking about the struggles I have overcome, the goals I have accomplished, the people I have met and the amazing opportunities I have gained. For the first time in a long time, I am so incredibly happy and so incredibly grateful to be where I am at now at this moment in time. When I was fourteen years old, I remember thinking about how I could not wait to get older, how I could not wait to have a career, a family and to be established. These were the goals I had for myself from 14 to the time I was 17 years old:

-Save up enough money to put a down payment on a car by the time I am 16 years old

*bought a brand new Ford Focus

-Pay off my car

*Paid it off 3 years later

– Meet a boy, fall in love (if it was meant to happen, it would happen) and then this happened:

-Work as much as possible to save money and pay bills throughout my educational career

*worked all. the.time. Special thank you to the man you see above for playing a huge part in supporting me while I was going through my required unpaid internship.

-Graduate high school, then immediately attend college

*Check!

-Along the way, find true friends. 

*These people have brought so much to my life, have held me when I have cried, have made me pee my pants laughing so hard, have been the best study buddies, the best supporters, and are truly one of the main reasons I am alive today. I love every single one of you.

-Earn a Bachelor’s Degree

*25 MORE DAYS!!!*

-Find a job in my degree before I graduate with my Bachelor’s Degree

-Pursue my Master’s Degree

..And of course I couldn’t have done all of this without the love and support of my family. A HUGE thank you to all of you for your unconditional love, encouragement, and motivation to keep me going! I love all of you so, so much. 

I am SO unbelievably excited to say I have been able to accomplish all of those things…and even better with a great guy by my side and a wonderful family!!! Now, I wouldn’t wish a 40 hour plus a week work schedule along with going to school full-time and your boyfriend doing the same thing..it is not the healthiest for a relationship let me tell you, but in 25 days, when my boyfriend and I get to walk at graduation, it will be so worth it in the end. And in 23 days, we will have been together for four years. Four hard, stressful, but amazing and wonderful four years. We will have survived through it all, together! I have an amazing job where my passion lies, surrounded my fantastic people whom I work with, and are more than willing to be flexible with me as I pursue my Master’s Degree in Social Work…what more can a girl ask for?! I don’t mean at all to sound conceited whatsoever, or to brag on myself, I just wanted to inspire my readers to take a moment to pause on life. To remember that ANYTHING is possible. It takes a lot of work, like, a LOT of work, maybe some blood, sweat and definitely a bunch of tears-but it is so worth it in the end. I wish I could spread this feeling around to everyone in the world, because nothing feels better than to finally be in the light at the end of the tunnel, and shine.

Find your passion, and when you feel a sense of belonging, you know you are on the right path. Set goals, make a plan, and commit yourself to accomplishing those goals. It takes time, and it takes a lot of work, but it is so worth it in the end.

With all of that being said, Life is truly beautiful.

xoxo, Carissa

*p.s. Don’t forget to Follow and Subscribe! (Will follow back and support you, my fellow bloggers!)

From a Woman’s Perspective: The Way We Want and Deserve to be Treated

Women all over the world have been telling their significant others for years that if they just looked at their Pinterest accounts for gift ideas, (especially engagement rings) then they would be the happiest women in the world. Well, to all you men out there, not only am I here to tell you to look at her dang Pinterest account, but a little guide to help remind you of how your woman, or your future woman, deserves to be treated. So take a minute, grab a beer (or a root beer if you are under the age of 21) sit back and appreciate this golden nugget I am about to bestow upon you.

1. ALWAYS be honest with her, no matter what.

I don’t care if she asks you about a shirt she is wanting to buy and you hate it, but you don’t want to hurt her feelings-tell her you don’t like the stinkin’ shirt. Throughout your relationship, there are or have been times where you did something she wouldn’t have liked you to do. It is essential  for you to always be up front and honest with her no matter what. Marilyn Monroe once said, “It is better to be slapped with the truth than to be kissed with a lie.” And boy is she right. I can tell you right now the moments where I can recall being lied to in the relationships I have had are the moments that hurt me the most.  I can also tell you that I may be upset for the action that was taken, but I always show an overwhelming amount of respect and appreciation for telling me the truth

2. Make her laugh.

If you have a sense of humor, you are in luck. We want to have fun with you, we want to be silly with you and we definitely want to laugh with you (and maybe even at you). Laughter really is the best medicine and life is too short to not kick back and laugh with one another. However, do not just spit out a joke when you are having a serious conversation or when she is sitting there crying, then you might as well just have wasted this precious golden nugget.

3. Put her first.

You have invested into the relationship, you are committed, and she is your girl. It is so important that within all of the responsibilities you have, to keep her at the top of your list. Nothing makes a girl feel better than when you are not only telling her she is number one, but by showing her as well. It is such an amazing feeling for a girl to know she is number one on your list (and your to-do list…;) )

4. Plan, then plan some more.

If you are in this for the long haul-it is not about just what you want in this life anymore. It is about what the BOTH of you want. If you are not willing to be selfless, to make compromises along with sacrifices for your relationship-then you need to reconsider. Women should not only reciprocate these things back to you, but she definitely deserves to receive all of these things too. In the past, when I was way younger-I thought I was sure about a relationship. Then all of a sudden it was a whirlwind, and it turned into me following him, me doing everything he wanted me to do. And when it came down to it, he wasn’t capable of being selfless, and he definitely wasn’t willing to make any compromises or sacrifices. As heart breaking as it was, I know now what I need and what I deserve from the man I will be spending the rest of my life with.

5. The majority of us want your love, not your dough.

I have told myself since my first crush I had that I didn’t care if the man I fell in love with was a plumber. If he could make me laugh and make me feel loved and wanted, as Ingrid Michaleson sings: our love would pay the bills. This is a perfect quote to describe the above statement:

THIS IS SUCH A HUGE THING FOR ME. It would mean the world to me when Walter actually makes time for me and for our relationship. He has a lot on his plate right now, don’t get me wrong. He will be really sweet and buy me my favorite doughnuts and chocolate milk or another sweet gesture where he would buy me something to show he cares. As much as I appreciate it, I feel SO MUCH MORE loved when he sets time apart for just me and only me. I consider myself a very selfless person, and I am there for everyone and anyone that needs me. But in my relationship, I am selfish in the fact that I need that love and attention I deserve and give to the person I am in love with. And to be quite honest, I don’t really feel it is selfish at all. These things could be planning a little getaway trip together and just being able to relax and have an adventure together, or a candlelight dinner with pizza and a blanket on the living room floor. It is SO important to invest as much time and as much energy into the person you love and to create more special moments together.

6. With that, never stop dating.

Don’t ever stop putting in effort to love your girl every single day. Once you are together for a long time, it takes a lot more effort. A fire doesn’t keep burning on its own-you have to keep putting in the effort to keep it alive. Keep up with the good morning texts, spin her around when she comes to hug you like you used to, tell her why you love her, hold her hand and kiss her in the rain. A woman deserves to keep getting butterflies and feel that spark with you. Take her out on adventures, have fun. Be silly.

7. Say you are sorry.

This world is too negative for your relationship to be filled with bitterness and negativity. My relationship definitely is not perfect and this is definitely something to work on-but always take responsibility for the things you did or said that hurt your significant other and say a sincere apology..if you love that person, why would you want to hurt them with actions and/or words? Make a conscious effort to apologize, fix the problem, and move forward to grow better and stronger. It is all about how you get through the hard times.

8. Choose your battles.

Not every battle has to be fought, just like a dirty dish in the sink isn’t going to hurt anything. Sometimes it just isn’t worth the time or energy.

9. Don’t treat her like a princess, but like your absolute best friend.

We don’t need to be treated like we’re in a fairy tale, because then we expect you to be just like Prince Eric in The Little Mermaid..and he’s a cartoon dude. We want to be treated like your absolute best friend. We want you to make us feel wanted, to make us feel loved, to root us on when we’re going after something we want, and to support us no matter what. We deserve for you to show us women how proud you are of us, and one of the most important-to make us feel like the only girl in the world.

10. Social Media SUCKS

Not only is porn out there for all to see but now there are all kinds of women making us all look bad by flashing their stuff at men sitting behind their computer. Don’t worry, I take an extra look when Adam Levine were to pop up on my news feed-but I don’t go hunting to look at and follow attractive men either. Women are already self-conscious, so don’t be stupid and go out “liking,” “sharing,” and following disgusting girls that will disappoint your woman. If you don’t now, you will have a stunningly beautiful woman someday. Why waste time looking down at a screen when you could look up and see the real beauty? Boost your girl’s confidence (even if she rejects your compliments)

So, I hope you enjoy this gift I have given to you-take it and flourish in your love life!

I would like to not only reach out to the women and see how you felt about this blog post and how it applies to your love life-but I would also like to hear from the men as well! What did you think? Post a comment below!

Don’t forget to follow and subscribe if you haven’t already! Become my main squeeze and be a VIP as well!!

xoxo,

Carissa

Death & Dying: The Importance of Talking About What We Don’t Want to Talk About

I am currently interning for a Hospice agency, and boy do I love it. When people hear the word “hospice” people tend to freak out, and shut down. Hardly anyone ever talks about the existence of hospice or seeks out education of it. Understandably enough, recent generations are scared of death and the thought of losing their loved one. But what I have learned in just the first few weeks of working there is the importance of knowing what your loved one’s last wishes are-even what your last wishes are. Being younger and healthy, we think we are invincible, that we are going to stay young forever..but we grow older everyday. In fact, the moment we are born we experience grief and loss. It is important that we have these conversations with our loved ones, with ourselves and our children (or future children in my case), to ensure through all decisions that are needed to be made in the time that the individual is unable to make those decisions-are made based on what the loved one wants, not the emotional needs and/or wants of the family members.

For those of you who do not know, Hospice is a program who cares for the patient and the patient’s family as one unit of care. Hospice is an interdisciplinary team of professionals and trained volunteers who provide medical, emotional, social, and spiritual services. The interdisciplinary team that I am apart of include physicians, nurses, certified nursing assistants, social workers, a chaplain, volunteers, and other professionals we may bring in to meet the needs of the patient and their family. I love the interdisciplinary team because the patient and their family is getting the best care possible from all different aspects. I am currently shadowing a social worker (she is the bomb) and we make visits to our patients whether they are at home or reside in a facility and complete psychosocial assessments to get to know our patients and ensure they are coping well, are getting the emotional support they need, and that all needs are met with the individual and family. If they are in need of any of these things and beyond, we as the social workers will connect them with the resources to ensure the needs are met, as well as making more frequent visits to provide more emotional support for the patient and family. As part of the social work piece, we also have a Bereavement Coordinator, who facilitates grief support groups to not only help the family cope after the patient’s death on our services-but to anyone in the community who has experienced or is experiencing grief and loss. The Bereavement Coordinator checks up on the family throughout the 13 months after the patient has passed, to get through all of those “firsts.” The first Christmas without the loved one, the first anniversary without their loved one, the first birthday without their loved one, etc. When we meet our patients for the first time, we provide them with an  aromatherapy-reflexology kit filled with three essential oils and reflexology socks. The three essential oils are lemon, peppermint, and lavender. The lemon sparks appetite for the patient, the peppermint relieves nausea and boots some energy, and the lavender relaxes the patient. The oils are specially made for geriatric skin so it is safe for them to put it directly on their skin. The family and/or caregiver can also put a few drops in a diffuser or a scent warmer to fill the room with the scent as well.

The nurses and the CNAs are absolutely amazing. As we provide emotional comfort, the nursing team is out there more than twice a week visiting the patient and ensuring all physical needs are getting taken care of. They assist the patients showers, seek out their doctor to prescribe their patients medication for pain and/or anything else they may need to feel more comfortable. The nursing team is a huge part of the hospice team and we are so very thankful for all of them. As a hospice staff, we do not accelerate or postpone death. We provide comfort, and we provide as much comfort as possible for as long as possible.

Here is a great infographic to sum up what I just explained. 🙂

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/34128909652046387/

As scary as death may sound, knowing that this type of care is available for you and your loved ones when the time comes could make life a little bit easier. We all get teary eyed when we think about the loss of a loved one; but it is SO important to establish durable power of attorneys (you can do so once you are of eighteen years of age), create a living will, if your loved one wants to be cremated and spread out into the ocean of their dreams, and what songs they would want played at their funeral. As hard as it is to talk about, knowing in the time where your loved one has passed, being able to honor them the way they wish to be will be the best gift you could give to them. As a hospice team, we are here for you through it all. But as of right now, you have the right and are able to begin making these types of decisions.

Shadowing a Hospice Social Worker has been an amazing experience, I still have about 300 hours to go! But I have had many amazing experiences with the patients I have been assigned to. On top of shadowing my supervisor, I am also a volunteer for the agency. Meaning, I visit the patients I am assigned to once a week (sometimes more) and we talk with one another and do things they enjoy doing together. The agency I work for has a journal that I fill out with the patients called “Treasures of the Heart and Soul.” It is a journal we fill out together that asks about their fondest memories, their prized possessions, their favorite sounds, and at the end it gives them an opportunity to write messages to specific loved ones they leave behind. Listening to the patient’s experiences and fondest memories while also writing down their messages they want to leave behind for their loved ones is such a moving and beautiful thing to experience with the patient. This is an extremely vulnerable time in the patient and family’s life, and the fact that they are letting me into this precious time in their lives is a privilege.

I love my internship, and I hope you gained some insight through my education and that it sparked something somewhere to begin thinking about the things we do not want to think about.

Also, volunteer hours are a great resume builder. If you would like to join me in this amazing experience, please comment below and I could tell you more details. 🙂

Thank you for reading, be sure to become a VIP by following and subscribing on this page!

xoxo,

Carissa

My Apology Letter to Myself: The Importance of Forgiving Myself & Loving the Better Me.

Throughout my life, there have been days, months, and years where I have done wrong to myself. I have lied to myself, cheated on myself, spoke badly on myself…and I have never once apologized for it all. As we go through these dark moments in our life, once we break through and overcome these moments we may begin to apologize to the ones we had hurt along the way, but do not ever stop to think to apologize to ourselves. Don’t get me wrong, it is extremely important to apologize to the ones we hurt and to forgive those who have hurt us-but it is essential to apologize to ourselves for the hurt, the pain, and the suffering we have brought on ourselves. I have been battling anxiety and depression all my life, and I am finally starting to feel full again. From my happy heart to my scarred, but warm soul…here are my apologies to myself (you).

1. I am sorry for all of the mean things I have said to you.

I am sorry for telling you that you are worthless, that you are not good enough, that you aren’t going to be successful, and or that you can’t do something. I have doubted you so many times, which kept you from doing the things you love and pursuing your dreams. I have made you cry way too many times and I am sorry for all that pain I have caused you. I now know that you can do anything your heart desires, because you are strong and you are capable as long as you put your mind to it.

2. I am sorry for always making you stay busy the past few years.

I have always blamed it on our anxiety issues, but for a long time I always made you stay busy at all hours of the day no matter how tired, angry, or upset you were when you just needed to relax and unwind. I always thought it would benefit you if you did things now to help you out later on down the road, but in all reality most of those things just caused more work for us in the long run. I am sorry for all of the sleepless nights of studying when it didn’t really help you on that test anyhow, I am sorry for causing anxiety attacks of unfinished to-do lists, and I am sorry for always making you feel guilty when you did rest. I still have room for improvement, but we have made relaxing a major priority each day throughout the week. You are free to relax and do the things you enjoy, because you definitely deserve to.

3. I am sorry for not taking care of you the way I should have.

For all of the dentist appointments I have canceled on you because I would rather be at work, for all the years I let your knee get so bad that I put you through not one surgery, but two, for all of the times we were sick and didn’t take any time off to allow our body to rest and get better, for all of the times I made you lift heavy items when it wasn’t good for your knee, back or bad shoulders. I am sorry for not finishing prescriptions to allow our body to fully heal, and I am sorry for all of the toxins that I put into your body. I am going to need your help, but I am constantly reminding you to drink more water and make better health choices. We can do this.

4. I am sorry for the times I have ditched out on you.

There have been many times I have told you I would hang out with you and only you to spend some quality time together and just relax-and I ditched you and went out with friends instead. I understand the importance of our time together whether it is out running errands and just enjoying that alone time or at home snuggling on the couch on Pinterest listening to your guilty pleasures. It has gotten much better, but I will make more time for you, because I love you.

5. I am sorry for all of the times I let you fall.

I know we have been through tragic break ups to literally falling up the stairs-and I am sorry for letting you fall. It hurt me to see you in so much pain I couldn’t handle it in the moment. But I know now how important it is to tell you that you are important, that you are strong, and you are worth more than how you were or are being treated. I know now that when you fall, to instantly pick you back up no matter how hard it was to watch, help you wipe your tears, and help you figure out what to do to feel better and move forward. You are so much stronger now than you have ever been, and I am so proud of you.

6. I know it’s probably going to embarrass you, but I have to say it. I am sorry for getting you drunk way too much that one year.

You turned 21 last year, and all hell broke loose. After that one night, tequila will ALWAYS be your worse enemy. I am sorry for all of the bad choices I made you make and all of the hangovers I bestowed on you. I am sorry for all of the horrid pictures I had posted, all the videos I allowed taken of you, and all of the embarrassing moments that occurred and still make you cringe thinking about to this day. Now, we get tipsy on one glass of wine every now and then and fall asleep at 8 pm., and the guy at our local liquor store said awhile back, “hey stranger, you never come around anymore!” So, that has to be a plus on our end, right?

7. I am sorry for the toxic people I put in your life.

For a long time, you thought friendship came down to quantity over quality. Yes, you have done and said some mean things to human beings in your lifetime, but I apologize for putting all of these “friends” in your life when they did nothing but hurt you. Throughout the years however, we have been lucky to learn the beauty of true friends and to cherish them, and eliminate the toxic people in our lives who no longer care.

8. I am sorry I haven’t bought you a pet pig yet and that you haven’t met Taylor Swift.

Be patient, my love, it will happen someday.

9. Most importantly, I am sorry for not loving you the way I love others.

There was a period in time where I hated everything about you. You weren’t pretty enough, you weren’t confident enough, you couldn’t cook so automatically you were a horrid girlfriend, you couldn’t dance, you aren’t capable of being sexy, you were worthless. I would then break you down so badly to where you would have meltdowns..and what would I do? Continue to tell you horrible and awful things about yourself that aren’t true. Your boyfriend would try to help you, I made you push him away. Your family would support you and give you advice, I made you listen but didn’t give you the strength to move forward and get the help you needed. This hindered so many of your relationships and friendships with others and kept you from doing what you love and day-to-day functioning was unbearable…

I can tell you now, that I love you more than words can say. You are kind, you are passionate, you are strong, and you are beautiful. I promise to never leave you, abandon you or hurt you like I did in the past ever again. Life is too short, we need to be in this together. I will love you just as fully as I love others. I will support you no matter what, and I will spark your mind with inspiring and empowering thoughts when you are feeling down and discouraged. I will remind you to make time for the things you love to do and the people you care about most. I am so proud of you for how far you have come, that you know you are worthy and deserve to be treated as such. I am proud of the woman you are today, and the person you will be in the future.

Now, after reading this post, what would you apologize to yourself for? What does this type of forgiveness mean to you? I know I feel better. Please feel free share with me in the comments below.

xoxo,

Carissa

p.s.–PLEASE don’t forget to become my VIP and  follow and subscribe at the top of the page! Much love and many squeezes!!

The Chronicles of a Committed Relationship.

My boyfriend and I will be together for four years in May this year. Four years. So insane and so amazing. I was just looking at this picture together when we were only 18 and so in love! I am still in love with this man, but it has developed and grew into a different level of love, like a level of love where I fart under the blankets and let it bomb him when he gets in bed with me. If that ain’t love, I don’t know what is. From wanting to be together and love one another every waking moment, to inappropriate grope sessions and letting your legs get hairier than big foot-long, I’m here to take you on a fun journey of:

The Chronicles of a Committed Relationship

1. You can just be yourself. 

Physically, emotionally, and mentally. When I first started dating Walter, I shaved my legs every single day, made sure my hair and makeup were always perfect, and that I always had something intelligent to say to impress him.

Now?

What is a razor? How do they work? He loves me without makeup (aka troll face from the wild forest) but it makes me feel good that I can lounge around our house, no makeup, hair in a scrunchy (like, who owns those still?) and he still checks me out when I walk by him.

The other night while he was at work I called him to tell him a funny joke just to make him smile. I mean, I was already hilarious in the beginning of our relationship, but just the fact that he laughs at my stupid jokes are an added bonus in our relationship.

No matter what I think or feel, and no matter how crazy it could sound or be, I have the ability to just tell him my thoughts or feelings  without a thought or filter. He may at first reply with “……….” (literally) but eventually we get to the point where we are able talk it out. We have come a long way to get to this point, but learning patience is a wonderful thing people.

2. You learn how healthy a person’s bowel movement is the longer you are with them.

My boyfriend farts all. the. time. It’s almost like, a problem. It was so funny the first time he farted on me (yes, I remember this wonderful milestone) it was literally like the scene in the movie The Vow. We were in the car, he squeezed his butt cheeks together, gave out a silent but deadly…and then it hit me in the face. He denied it until he got so red and we both just started dying in laughter.

So when he farts, of course it is just SO funny and SO hilarious. But when I fart, (and it’s in my genes-my body creates raunchy flatulation) he is just SO upset and SO disgusted.

Dude, girls fart too..he’s so weird. I think I may go fart on him now.

3. P.M.S. (Projecting Meaningless Somber)

He hates me, he hates me not. Am I right ladies? Not only when your PMSing you think everyone hates you and the world is out to get you-you think your significant other hates you too. Whether I am crying and literally don’t know why, or I go off and yell at him for not putting his toothbrush in the spot he is ‘supposed’ to, he still tells me he loves me and cuddles me at the end of the night.

He may think I am a little off my rocker sometimes, but he loves my crazy a**.

3. Your text messages are more hilarious now than they’ve ever been.

Exhibit A,

You keep up with one another throughout the day, you say your “I love yous” now you gotta spice things up every once in awhile. A few years ago I sent him a text rapping to him.. HA.

4. You grow stronger.

Stronger in wrestling and/or tickle fights on the living room floor, and stronger has you grow in the relationship. Don’t get me wrong, Walter and I have had some tragic downfalls, but we fought and fought like hell to make it better because we knew we were worth it. It makes you not only stronger as a couple, but stronger as an individual as well.

Walter and I made a promise to one another saying ‘no matter how hard it gets, we’ll always work it out’ and we hold on to that in those dark times to help us through.

5.  You have a “biggest fan” everyday of your life.

When I have something super awesome and exciting to tell Walter-he is the first person I want to tell. He loves me unconditionally and supports me in all my goals and dreams, as I do for him as well. It’s pretty cool having a mascot always rooting for you and always having your back.

6. But then you’re able to put each other in their place if need be.

As much as we are each other’s biggest fans, when something is irritating or just plain mean. An imaginary whip comes to the hand and it’s communicated assertively in a flat second.

Did you seriously just say you aren’t in the mood for Chipotle? Get out of my car.

7. YOUR ABILITY TO PICK A FRIGGIN’ RESTAURANT WORSENS AND WORSENS.

Need I say more?

Just watch this YouTube video. it explains it all.

Please let me know your thoughts and comments 🙂 Can you relate?! I would love to hear about it!

xoxo,

Carissa

p.s.–I love you Walter 🙂

I Accepted the Duty of Being a Bridesmaid. Now what?

I SAID YES!

……to one of my best friends (aka bride-to-be)! I AM SO EXCITED! Their love story is absolutely precious (what love story isn’t?) and I am proud to say that I was a part of where they are as a couple today! That will be featured in a later blog (I don’t want to spill all the precious details too early!) However, It is so exciting to be at this point in my life where all my beautiful friends are thinking about getting engaged, actually getting engaged, and asking me to be a part of their very special day!

So here we are, the gorgeous bride-to-be and us very lucky bridesmaids (I’m on the far right) 🙂

We all went out to dinner together and she gave us each a personalized box filled with goodies! She is usually not the craftiest out of the bunch (we still love you ;)) but with the help of Pinterest and doing it all on her own; she did an incredible job!

,

Don’t you just adore this?! The box was made up of wine (yum), purple nail polish (the color scheme in her wedding) a list of tips and tricks titled “10 Things You Didn’t Know About Being a Bridesmaid,” a ring pop (YES) and a chalkboard plaque popping the question! 🙂

SO, now that I am a bridesmaid, What do I do now? Where do I start? What are my responsibilities to help my bride-to-be have the absolute best day of her life?

Thank you to the one above for Pinterest, here are some things that will not only help me and my other co-bridesmaids (teehee) but may also help you as a newlymaid!I’ve got some work to do, and I can’t wait! This is going to be so much fun, so memorable and a blessing to be a part of my beautiful friend’s big day! Time to break out the wine, dust off my crafting skills, and prevent future anxiety attacks for my bride-to-be!

Please leave your comments below 🙂 Have you been a bridesmaid before? Do you have any tips or tricks? Please let me know in your comments below! I need all the advice I can get to be the best bridesmaid possible!

xoxo,

Carissa

Positively Positive.

We all go through different events in life every day that put us in a bad mood or that we let put us in a bad mood.  We then make the decision to dwell on this event or situation, and we all know that misery loves company so we bring others into it as well…

Unfortunately, we are all guilty of this.

Working full-time, going to school full-time, trying to maintain a relationship with my family members, my boyfriend and my cat while running a household definitely had me run down, worn out and negative. All. The. Time. It got to the point where I felt so miserable and burnt out I would annoy myself.

Then I realized….

I can’t control the things that I cannot change. Sure, I have heard it before. A million times actually. By my mom, my best friends, my sister-in-law-but I didn’t ever listen until it finally just clicked with me one day. I told myself, I can’t control the things I cannot change. (I am a control freak, so this is a pretty huge deal).

Then I asked myself, well, what can I control determine? And these five beautiful words came to mind:

I can determine my own happiness.

What? Really? Yes, and I was finally free. I finally realized,throughout anything I endure in my life, I can either let it sit with me and let it ruin my day, or I can turn the negative situation into a positive one. One of my very dear friend’s and I discussed this blog prior to me writing it and how we should consciously try to be more positive in our day-to-day lives. I was so proud of her when she called me one morning and she said to me:

“Hey..so I made me a nice cup of coffee before work this morning, then I managed to spill it all over myself AND my car.” Of course I replied with sympathy. But THEN, she continued with:

“But you know what I did? Got out of my car, went back in my house, and made me another cup of coffee. AND now my car smells delicious!”

See how well you can change a negative situation into a positive one? 🙂

I used to bicker and get frustrated with my boyfriend for silly things or if he accidentally broke something it was always the end of the world. But if you really think about it, what is getting in a bad mood and yelling out negative things going to do to resolve the situation? Nothing. That glass bowl from Wal-Mart broke dude, yelling isn’t going to make it magically put itself back together (Yes, I just talked about myself and called myself dude in third person). I have consciously been working on being more positive in each (rare nowadays) interaction with him and it has not only improved our relationship quite a bit, but it has helped him to be more positive as well.

Being positive to ourselves is good for our souls, too.

Our minds are SO powerful its epic. Women can literally trick their minds into being pregnant and literally have fake baby bumps, go to the doctor and see that they aren’t really pregnant! So if our minds can do something so powerful like that…just think what your mind can do with some positive self-talk and some meditation. It has taken me years to retrain my brain with positive thoughts instead of negative ones. On my drive to work every morning, I talk to myself and say “Dude, (here I go again) you rock. You are going to do awesome things today, and you are going to make a difference. Oh, and your eyeliner is perfect today (haha just kidding, maybe). But then I go into work super energetic and ready to do something great. Be kind to yourself. Your heart beats for you, it needs some loving too.

Another thing that has increased my positivity in life is to surround myself with optimistic, caring, FUNNY, and uplifting people. I am very lucky to have people in my family, my home, and at my work who make me laugh until I cry on a weekly basis. It is so cleansing and good for my health. So surround yourself with people who laugh. If you’re at home alone, watch a funny movie. Laughing is the perfect medicine for the mind, body and soul.

Side Note: I am also quite hilarious if I must say so myself. 😉 That is actually one of my hobbies is making people laugh. If I made someone laugh by the end of each day, I know I at least did something right that day and possible added a few more months to their life.

Life is too short to make the lemons in life turn you sour. Lemons are delicious, make some lemonade and smile. You are alive, you were put into this world for a purpose. Find your passion, do what you love, and love what you do. Smile, be a good human being. Connect with other human beings. Go call your grandma and tell her how amazing she is. Grab your friend’s hand and tell her how much you appreciate her, hug a stranger. You aren’t too busy to do these things. Make time for the things that matter and turn your life into a more positive one!

What did you think? Please leave your comments below!

xoxo,

Carissa

How to be a better Customer: Fast Food Edition

I have worked at a fast food restaurant (that I have chosen to not name for the safety of everyone) ever since I was 14 years old. I have seen the absolute best and the absolute worst of people coming in and out of my store. There have been times where I observe a cute old couple out in the lobby sharing an ice cream cone, but then will hear about one of my old co-workers being held at gun point behind the counter on an overnight shift. Ridiculous. You may be having a rough day, but there is no need to hold someone at gun point for putting pickles on your sandwich when you didn’t want them (or whatever the case may be) I understand that we make mistakes, and we should have gotten it right the first time; but I also strongly believe that if the human interaction was better-not only from the employee but from the customer as well-you would get much better, faster, quality service.

So, after working for a fast food restaurant for almost a decade of my life, I have some helpful tips that may help YOU be a better customer for not only your well-being, but for the employees (even managers) as well.

1.  Just because we work at (enter fast food restaurant here) does NOT mean we are unintelligent, lazy, or that we are “devoting the rest of our lives flipping burgers.”

Most of the people who work at a fast food restaurant are working there to help them get through school. In fact, fast food restaurants are some, if not THE best places that will work perfectly with YOUR school schedule because they understand school comes first and will work with you (while helping you develop higher within their system) to ensure you are successful all around.

Then again, even if people aren’t going to school, it is a job. It makes money. It pays their bills and provides their families with food on the table. Show some dignity and respect that these people work extremely hard and still put a smile on their greasy faces for you. Some employees have also worked their way up without an education and then may end up making more money than you by “dedicating the rest of their lives flipping burgers”. So don’t judge.

Helpful Hint: Recognize the employees and managers for how hard they work and compliment them. They RARELY get positive things spoken to them.

2.  I don’t know how many times I have heard “It’s called FAST FOOD for a reason! I don’t understand what is taking so long!”

Okay, so there are times where we are extremely busy and can’t keep up with the high volume of orders coming in to our restaurant. There is not an item on the menu that takes more than 12 minutes to make. 12 minutes. That’s it. We do our best to ensure how long you would have to wait and ensure we give you the best quality food (and even coupons for your wait!)

Helpful Hint: The nicer you are about a little wait, or even a little mistake we made, the more the Manager and/or Employee will do for you. I guarantee it. No sandwich that is messed up is worth getting that upset about.

3. Be Nice.

One slow Sunday morning, I did an experiment on how many times a customer would acknowledge my existence and ask how I was doing after asking them how they were doing. Out of 10 customers, only 3 customers asked how I was doing back. This may sound silly to some of you, but you have no idea how many customers don’t even look up at us when we hand them their order in the drive-thru and just speed away. What are we? Chopped liver? No, we are people too.

Helpful Hint: Take a second out of your day to ask the employee getting your food and drinks together how they are doing and wish them a good day. More chances than not are you going to go on to have a better day than they are.

4. Listen.

I took an order on the drive-thru headset yesterday and I said “Okay, would you like a Coke to drink with that meal today?” and the customer replied with “No, I will have a Coke.”

WHAT?!

Another example that happened to an employee recently on the drive-thru headset where she stated “Is everything correct on your screen?” and the customer said, “No.” So the employee stated, “I apologize what do I need to correct for you?” and the customer yells “I SAID I AM DONE WITH MY ORDER!!” and speeds off to the first window. *awkward turtle hand motion*

Helpful Hint: We know the menu like we know the back of our hand. We’re just trying to help you get exactly what you need. Listen to us, please.

5. We think your kids are adorable, but please, don’t let them order through the drive-thru.

Children are hard to hear over your car, and we would much rather interact with them in person instead. That way we are sure to get the correct order and make everyone happy.

Helpful Hint: Come inside and let them order, we have more fun with them that way. I know as a kid, I LOVED going in the “d-o-o-r” Chances are they will like it better too.

6. Do a random act of kindness, and pay for the order behind you.

It makes my heart SO HAPPY when someone pays for the order behind them, and then this super awesome domino effect happens where SO MANY people after pay for the order behind them. SO cool to watch and I can assure you, it will make you feel good too!

Helpful Hint: see above.

7. Don’t use vulgar words or lose your temper.

If you take a moment to really think about it, unless you were completely and utterly disrespected and treated poorly by an employee or another customer, is anything that bad  that could happen at a fast food restaurant make you so angry to where you curse out the employee and/or manager and end up throwing things at them? I bet you the answer is always no. One evening, I was short-staffed, I was the only manager, I was getting my butt KICKED and then all of a sudden a customer stormed in, called me a b**** and literally threw a bag of food at me. You bet I cried, and none of that should have happened in the first place. There are MUCH better ways to approach human beings when you have a problem.

Helpful Hint: Count to ten and take deep breaths before coming in to have an employee and/or manager fix a mistake they made in a calm manner.

8. Excuse us when we appear grumpy (or are grumpy). 

We may have just handled a customer who just cursed us out and then you were the very next customer to help. Take in consideration the business of the store and the environment we are having to adapt to and conquer (literally). We are doing a million different things in about ten second intervals. It has taken me YEARS to not to take things personally of how a customer interacts with me, however, that may not be the case for other employees. Then again, there are times when employees and managers can be difficult when you didn’t do anything wrong, and that is not okay.

Helpful Hint: Give them the benefit of the doubt, be kind and give them a fist bump.

9. Everyone makes mistakes.

No one is perfect. Please don’t expect us to be either. We are human too!

Helpful Hint: Instead of giving the employee that disgusted look you may give, instead say: ‘You know I read this article the other day and it made me understand the common negative experiences you go through everyday. Don’t worry, we all make mistakes.’ and see how awesome they respond to you and your needs.

10. Put yourself in their shoes.

We work the shifts that you wouldn’t want to work. We are there for you when you are drunk and/or hung over and/or high and whatever else you could be to provide you with what you need at the time, no matter what time of day it is. We also clean up after you, too. We keep a calm composure when we are getting yelled at, and do our best to keep smiling and not let it ruin our day. I really do feel that everyone should work in the fast food industry for at least a year to understand what we experience and how much it helps you in your life outside of work.

Helpful Hint: Watch documentaries or observe the day in the life of a fast food employee. Chances are your opinion will change about them.

If you work for a fast food industry, comment below and let me know your thoughts! Do you think this helped you? Do you think it could help our future customers? To the rest of you, I hope you enjoyed and were able to reflect on these things. We appreciate you and your business, and would appreciate your kindness and compassion even more. 🙂

xoxo,

Carissa ♥

From Me to You: 7 Things Everyone Should Understand

As you know from reading previous posts, I am hardcore about equality for all and caring about the well-being of others. Rarely do you see individuals go out of their way to do a good service for others or fully accept another human being that is different from them. These 7 things are on my mind quite often, and I bite my tongue when people say totally unfair things about others. I would like you to take a moment to reflect on each of these things. How do you really think about them? What if your best friend, or a family member fell into one of these things, would you still love and accept them? I really hope so.

Okay, here it goes:

From Me to You: 7 Things I Wish Everyone Would Understand

1. Just because a family is collecting food stamps, doesn’t mean they don’t deserve a lobster dinner.

So, you’re in line at your local grocery store. You see a young family with what you see as expensive items in their cart. Then you proceed to see them swipe their EBT card and are immediately appalled. You think, ‘What?! You mean I am paying taxes for those people to purchase these kinds of things?! How does our government allow this to happen?!’ Come on now people. Listen to yourself. How selfish is that? There are so many people I know who have applied for food stamps, make a little over minimum wage at 24 hours a week and STILL make too much money to receive food stamps. Just because people need help from what the government provides ALL of us to utilize, doesn’t mean you are better than them or that they don’t deserve to provide themselves or their families with nice things every once in a while.

2. Stop saying “That’s Gay,” “You’re Gay,” etc, etc.

It’s a horrible habit that just about everyone has, heck I even catch myself saying it sometimes and I consider myself one of the biggest advocates for homosexuals. There is nothing wrong with someone being Gay, so stop putting it onto someone or something as being negative. And don’t say “Oh, I meant they are happy!” Because you know what I mean. This also coincides with “That’s retarded, you’re retarded,” etc.

Here are some other words that hurt and why:

3. Gender Roles are so 1,000 years ago.

Okay guys, it is 2015. Men and Women do not have specific “jobs” they have to do in their relationships anymore, and if that is occurring, that’s just plain silly. The most important thing is that the relationship is a partnership. Meaning, the two of you come together with your skills and strengths while maintaining a balanced give and take. For instance, in our apartment, when Walter (my boyfriend) cooks (which is 99% of the time), I clean the dishes. When I cook the other 0.99% of the time (and no I have no shame in only knowing how to master mac n’ cheese and pop tarts), he cleans the dishes. Walter always puts the laundry in the washer and dryer, and I fold it and put it away. And guess what guys..I even take out the trash. Woah. We have a balanced system to ensure we are both doing our part and working TOGETHER to make sure the household tasks are completed regularly.  So quit telling your spouse “that’s a man/woman’s job, I’m not doing that!” Because you’re just going to make an A(idiot)** of yourself. Or like my little brother, who told my parents at dinner that doing dishes was “women’s work” and that he shouldn’t have to do it. Guess who did dishes every night for literally everyday the next year? Yup, you guessed it. He’ll tell you today he deserved that consequence.

4. Feminists aren’t just about women’s rights.

Feminists are about the equality of all, not just women. Feminists believe that men don’t need to be told to “man up.” In all seriousness, why is that a thing? Why is it a negative thing when a man cries? It’s not. Some of my brothers are emotional and cry often, and I can tell you they have the biggest hearts in the world and would do anything in the world for you. And Feminists are rad, not crazy, so educate yourself and stop being weird.

5. Love is Love

You may have a million reasons why you think homosexuality is wrong, but I bet you haven’t found one that directly affects you as a heterosexual individual. There is nothing wrong with a man loving another man, a woman loving another woman, or an individual loving both men and women. It doesn’t affect you whatsoever. Love is beautiful, and if a man is enjoying his stroll in the park hand in hand with another man, that is just as beautiful as observing a heterosexual couple walking hand in hand. How would you feel if you were hated and judged just because of the person you loved? I asked my father one afternoon what he thought of homosexuals being legally allowed to marry, hoping for him to agree, he simply replied. “Hell, I don’t see anything wrong with it. Let them get married and be miserable like the rest of us.” MARRIAGE is the unity of two people who commit to love each other forever. So why are Congress members fighting over legalizing everyone to get married if they want to? It’s not “Gay marriage” it’s Marriage. Just like anyone else who wants to get married. Pass it and move on, you already made homosexuals suffer enough.

6. Hit the bass, Drop the Stereo-type.

Okay, yes that was corny but let’s be real. It has been scientifically proven all over the world that diversity in a group produces the BEST product. Think about it, having a perspective from each culture and bringing it to the table in order to create something great, will turn out better than great. Every culture is beautiful, every culture is unique and has something to offer. To most Caucasian individuals, we aren’t better than everyone else. Quit. Yes they actually do deserve to live in this country even if they do not have good English. In high school I literally failed the test they give individuals working to gain citizenship in this country. I just got lucky and was born here… So stop being so ignorant and educate yourself on people who are different from you and see how they can help you be a better person. Immigrants have come a long way to be where they are today, even if they aren’t “legal.” No one is illegal. Stop calling immigrants “aliens” too. I’m pretty sure they didn’t get here with a UFO and are green. Meet them where they are at and help them. Ten times out of ten they will help you, too. I’m pretty sure Rosetta Stone has a free app now? Just a thought. 

This also goes along with individuals who were born with a disability. I volunteered for a program my campus holds called THRIVE. The university gives college students my age who have developmental or intellectual disabilities a chance to earn a college degree. I tutored a woman who had Down’s Syndrome, and she was the kindest person I have and ever will have met. She accepted me the moment I met her, she hugged and kissed me on the cheek actually. It’s so sad that people do not accept people like her who are so kind, gentle, and immediately accepting of everyone no matter what.

7. There is no such thing as a “bad kid” or a “bad person”

I CRINGE when I hear a parent or guardian say “that little boy/girl is such a bad kid!” They are so wrong! Yes, they may be on the floor throwing a fit because they can’t figure out a game they want to play-but are they doing it to annoy you? No, they’re doing it because they want your love and attention and will do what it takes to get as such..even if it is negative attention. I am not a mother by any means, but children NEED love and attention to develop successfully. So stop wasting time being so negative and just cuddle that precious little life of yours.

Along with that, there is no such thing as an overall bad person either. We must learn to separate the person from the action. We may not like what the person is doing, but that doesn’t mean they are a bad person. People are so quick to judge individuals who are or have sexually abused children. Yes, we do not like the action they are doing, but have people ever thought what must have happened to the abuser when they were a child? Think about it.

I could make this list go on and on, but these are some of the main things that I think about. How did you feel throughout reading this? Were you able to reflect on these things and reevaluate your views and beliefs? Everyone’s ultimate goal is to reach the “American Dream.” Why not help each other get there?

Get out in the world and do a random act of kindness for a stranger in need, fully accept people for who they are no matter what, and never judge someone for the mistakes they have made.

Please post your thoughts in the comments below! Now go do something awesome for someone today!

xoxo,

Carissa